100 Days

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

I take a deep breath.  I let it go.  I take another...  This process continues, as I quietly think about my life and why I'm unhappy.  In a lecture yesterday, we learned about a perspective of life that involves believing that perfect happiness is never really achievable.  That life isn't about being happy, and to think so would be an insult to living your life.  Life is about feeling angry, confused, hurt, scared, sad, yes happy also, but all of the human emotions.  Life is about morality and making good choices, being a good person, and doing good things.  So what is it then?  Why am I writing right now, what am I trying to say?  I'm not sure if I know really, but I know that I'm writing, one word at a time.  I understand that this could be read and perceived in one way, just like it could be read and perceived in a completely other way.  I think what I am trying to do, is to be real.  Authentic.  I hear that a lot as an artist, just be authentic.  Be you.  Well clearly that's ridiculous because I'm being me, right now, laying in bed and typing this.

So what is 100 days about?  Well, I'm Jordan, and I'm an artist.  I'm a lot of other things too, like I'm a mom and a daughter and a sister and a student, but the one thing that I'm most passionate about, have been my entire life, since birth, is making art.  Creating.  It's the one thing I feel deep inside, so deep it's crippling and paralyzing but also liberating and inspiring.  Like most artists feel every so often, I am stuck.  Have been for a while, I'll be honest, and I mean, maybe I'm not, maybe I only feel that way, but I'd like to figure out why.  So I am challenging myself to 100 days of making art, reflecting on it, and listening to the deepest part of myself.  I've seen these challenges on social media, and the experiences of the artists that I see is very inspiring.  The 100 day challenges of others has been quietly asking me if I'm brave enough.  So I asked myself what it is I'm trying to do, what the voice inside of me is trying to say.  Why do I want to make art, what is it that pushes me forward, or holds me back?  What is my soul trying to tell me, because I feel like it's banging on the front door, and I don't always open it.

I'd like to give myself the patience, the ears, and the compassion to nurture the artist and human in me.  Why am I creating?  Why do I do it?  Every day, I will challenge and nurture myself to make/craft/draw/paint/photograph something and each thing I make, I will observe.

So let's do this...Shall we?


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